Bday Reflections III: 38 - The Midas Year

It’s the day before my 38th birthday! I’m currently on the train heading to NYC to bring in my birthday with a few of my friends. I feel like 37 went by so fast it’s actually quite scary. I spent the year in quarantine like most people but when I did emerge from the house I experienced memories that will last for a lifetime. I was a bridesmaid in my closie Ashy’s wedding, spent a week with my youngest Goddaughter in Chicago, traveled to Mexico with my Mommy, and most recently help throw an epic baby shower for Ashy! Creatively I kept pushing by writing and curating new media content. I also am making progress on the documentary I’m working on. I liked year 37 in all of its solitude due to the pandemic. 

As I transition into year 38, I’m calling this The Midas Year. This term was prophesied over my life by my Jam. “This is gonna be your Midas year,” she said. Do you guys know the story of King Midas? Well, you know I love a good story, chile.  

King Midas is one of the popular kings in Greek Mythology. Because of King Midas’s nature of kindness and hospitality, Dionysus offered him one wish. Midas wished that whatever he touched be turned into gold. The wish was granted. Now, seemingly that’s cool right? Thing is Midas ain’t think that thing through, chile. Men, boy I tell ya! Everything and I do mean everything he touched turned to gold. He accidentally killed his daughter Zoë because when he touched her she turned to dead gold. He couldn’t touch his food because it too would turn to gold. Midas ended up dying of starvation. 

In year 38 I’m taking this centuries old mythological legend and perfecting it. Call me, Queen Midas. This time I’ll be placing God at the center in affirmation that everything I touch WILL turn to gold. Plain and simple, I will live my life at its purest, most authentic, and highest quality state. I declare and decree that whatever I desire in this year WILL happen in this year and will happen in abundance. 

That new job I want, I will get and I will be the best woman for the job. - GOLD

My prayers for financial wealth, wellness and wisdom for me and all generations of my family will be in motion this year. - GOLD

My mental and physical health will continue to blossom this year. - GOLD

That business I want to start will get started this year. - GOLD

The projects I want to complete will get completed this year. - GOLD

All my relationships will continue to bring support, love, and joy this year. - GOLD

Who I am and want to be as a creative in the world will manifest itself this year. - GOLD

Because I’ve been blessed with the Midas touch. 

Year 38, WILL be The Midas Year!

Bday Reflections II: Advocating for Myself

MUA: Danni Sellers

"Why do we do that? "We don't speak up when we don't like it. We just say Mmmhmm, uh huh, in a high pitched tone. I know the tone."  - Danni

I recently had a photo shoot with my friend, Ayanah George, I've linked her work for your viewing and booking pleasure. She's the absolute best. The shoot was under the creative direction of beauty and lifestyle guru, Ajahmure Clovis of Ajahmure Beauty. I've also linked her business for your perusing and purchasing pleasure. Her products need to be added to your beauty regimens. Ajahmure who I affectionately call Jam scheduled makeup for the shoot with her friend Danni of Face Value Artistry. Danni is a whole vibe, a phenomenal makeup artist, and a forward thinking stylist. Now, listen ya'll I just dropped 3 links to 3 amazing Black women entrepreneurs. 3 sacred gems. 

Don't say I ain't never give you nothing! 😂

I was excited about this shoot because its almost my birthday and getting all dolled up to take professional pictures is a perfect gift. Also, the world hates FAT dark skinned women and committing to a shoot that reveals who I aesthetically am to the world is a form of activism. I definitely feel like I'm advocating for my place and the place of women who look like me when I commit to doing any project that will be shared with the general public. 

Confession: At almost 38 years old, advocating for myself is a whole struggle. I'm talking anxiety triggering.

When Danni gave me the mirror and I looked at the work she had done the knots in my stomach subsided. I am always nervous sitting in anybody's chair that does my makeup or hair because I don't know if I'm going to end up looking like a catastrophe or not. Danni sensed that I think. We started discussing why we don't say anything when we don't like our hair, nails, makeup etc. It was nice to hear I wasn't the only one who struggles with this. I think thats why I surround myself with women like Jam who will say what needs to be said no matter who or what the situation is.

For me, its not just beauty clinicians work I don't speak up about. At my closie Ashley's baby shower I was supposed to talk to a vendor about being late and negotiating the hired hours and/or payment. I froze. Heart was rat-ta-tat-tatting. I had to send my closie, Tiff, over to talk the man, chile. 

Sending a meal back at a restaurant...struggle.

Advocating for myself at work...struggle.

Following up on a job application...struggle.

Discussing issues with my family...struggle.

But let me have to advocate for someone else, or go to bat for someone else I am all in! Why?

It's actually gotten worse over the years and spending a year in quarantine I think has heightened it.

During this new year of life I am committing myself to advocating for myself. I know this is going to be a challenge but I believe this will change the trajectory of my life moving forward. When people say they get taken advantage of because they don't speak up or set boundaries for themselves, I'm a living witness that they aren't lying. 

Is this a struggle for you to?

Let's work on this together.

Bday Reflections I: The Time Has Come the Walrus Said

In undergrad I had an 8:00 AM class. Now, you know 8:00 AM classes in college are always so hard to get to especially if you’ve been out partying the night before. The professor of this class would arrive however, at 8:15 AM. He was always disheveled carrying a whole lot of unnecessary things in his hands, except the Venti Starbucks coffee cup. That coffee, was definitely an essential item to be carrying. The class would generally arrive before he did. If you were later than he was, he wouldn’t let you in class.

He’d enter the room and wouldn’t speak. He’d walk in, brush past us, leaving a scent of amber musk, menthol, and coffee in the air. He’d put his stuff down on the desk with his back facing the class and take what seemingly was the longest sip of his coffee. Savoring it. I always wondered what his Starbucks order was? You can tell a lot about a person based on their Starbucks order. After he was done, he cleared his throat as if he was starting his internal engine. He’d then turn around and say to the class, 

“The time has come the Walrus said...” 

This is a line from the peculiar poem The Walrus and the Carpenter by Lewis Carroll. In fact, Tweedledum and Tweedledee recite the poem to Alice in the Through the Looking Glass novel. The poem tells the story of the complacent Walrus and a featherbrained Carpenter who trick a group of oysters to come on a walk with them only to eat them. Throughout my scholastic journey I’ve encountered this poem quite a bit actually. Lots of acting teachers use it as a tongue twister during speech and voice warm ups. But this was a Peace Studies course. Yes, I’d argue I went to one of the best liberal arts colleges in the world. Peace Studies? Please and thank you! I enjoyed this class and even managed to secure an A. Mind you, this was in the middle of a Chicago winter where staying in bed at 8 AM instead of bearing the cold would've been highly preferred. But I pushed through the grueling Lake Michigan winds to sit in class and talk about the concept of peace in a world that is not peaceful.

I understood later on that the professor would arrive late because he knew 8:00 AM was hard for students. So, he gave us a 15 minute grace period to get there. Actually, more like 25 because by the time he finished sipping his coffee and revved up his internal engine with his back to the class, students were able to sneak in before he started.

I finished the class however, having no clarity as to why he would start each class by saying, “the time has come the walrus said...”

 

The entire line in the poem reads:

 

The time has come the walrus said

To talk of many things

Of shoes and ships and sealing wax

Of cabbages and kings

Of why the sea is boiling hot

and weather pigs have wings

 

The Walrus says this to the oysters right before they realize they are going to be eaten. This poem is chaotic lunacy. The sun and the moon are shining at the same time, oysters can walk and wear shoes, and not to mention a talking Walrus is friends with a human. The real absurdity of it all however, is that 20 years later and 3 days before my 38th birthday I am up at 8:00 AM thinking about why my Peace Studies professor started each lesson with that quote? Welcome to my anxious brain.

Today, 20 years later and 3 days before my 38th birthday, I think I get it. The absurdities in this world are plentiful just like this poem. But the action word is “talk.” Communication is by far the most important yet hardest things for people to master. I know firsthand, that’s why I started blogging. I often suck at verbalizing how I feel when talking. Writing is my best form of communication. My comfort zone. Conversations can be hard and sometimes full of tension and discord. I opt out of that more than not and when I finally do speak, I’m exploding because I’ve held it in for so long. I recognize the choice to table hard conversations and letting sentiments fester is self-inflicted abuse that I must stop.

 

The time has come to talk of many things.

 

My professor was right.

 

You can’t grow, learn, change, heal, and be at peace if you don’t talk about the absurdities ailing you. 

 

During this new year around the sun, I am committing myself to working on improving my verbal communication. Coming out of my comfort zone of just writing about it and transitioning into also talking about it.

You with me?

 

Let’s do it together!