And Then There Was...

And then there was...

Light.

God gave us light. An illuminating source of electromagnetic radiation that provides optical stimulation so things can be viewed clearly.

"This little light of mine I'm gonna let it shine..."

"You light up my life...you give me hope to carry on..."

...or so I thought...

I was conflicted. I only saw what I wanted to see. I only saw what I wanted you to be. The silhouette of the person I dreamed you'd be.

Come closer step into the light.

And then there was...

I romanticized you in my mind. Tall, dark...genuine. Never payed attention to the details specifically highlighted, TYPED IN ALL CAPS, in bold, for-warning. The scars of girlfriend's past and the lies...

And then there was...

You said all the right things and made all the right moves. Made me feel like I belonged to someone. Loved.

And then there was...

Constant arguing, lies, selfish exploitation, verbal abuse, demeaning acts, Bi-Polar rants, and tit-for-tatt "imma get you back" behavior.

And then there was...

"I'm sorry" mixed with tears, letters, "I love you baby" and "You're my forever"...

And then there was...

Light.

Forgiveness. Second chances. Love.

And then there was...

Arguing. Yelling. Bi-Polar rants. Selfish gestures. Yelling. Walking away. PROCLAMATION! Grabbing of hair. Thrusting of head. Throwing of object in face. Derogatory name calling. Threats.

And then there was...

...Silence...

God gave us light.

Optical stimulation that can only be viewed if your eyes are truly open. What God has given no one can take away.

And then there was...

You. Lessons learned. The End.

But there will always be: Light!

"This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine...let it shine...let it shine...let it shine!"

Reflections From A Window Seat...

It's been forever I know! But I'm back at it. It's the beginning of a new month. Spring is vastly approaching and there is a lot to see, accomplish, and dare to dream.

I've been using my time off to travel mostly. I've been everywhere from Chicago to Jamaica. I even had the opportunity to spend time in Las Vegas. While traveling I had a lot of time to reflect on my life and the direction it is headed.

For the most part I am at a stand still in my life. Not progressing much. Not living my life to its full potential. I got caught up in helping others with their lives/problems and forgot to take care of myself. Typical "Purse Carrier" behavior. We take on every one's issues without taking care of ourselves. To me this is almost equivalent to self-mutilation.

As I spent hours looking out the window of an airplane, looking down through the clouds at the skyline of cities many people only dream about I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I ignored God's blessing over my life and tarnished it with the mess and negativity of others. Masking it with sacred actions such as love, friendship, and support.

Just think if we put the same amount of energy as we put into our friends or significant others as we do to God we wouldn't find ourselves in situations of regret, heartache, turmoil or strife. Where man strips of everything God replenishes what is stolen.

Today, I stand my ground. Having learned a lesson for which I already knew the outcome, the hard way. I'm just not going to deal with negative, self loathing people anymore, I will not place myself in situations where I am knowingly sinning against God and then make excuses for my behavior, I'm rearranging my life so that it can return to being fruitful and rewarding, and most importantly I am going to stop waisting time, energy, and money on people and things that won't benefit my growth as a woman...as a woman of Christ.

I am thankful for lessons learned, the chance to try until I get it right, and the next reflection I'll encounter looking down through the clouds at the skyline of the city of Barcelona, Italy. Seeing the world puts my world in perspective.