It's Time (Part I): "Dream Hoarder"

Awards season.

Golden Globes. SAG. Oscars. 

I enjoy watching the E! Red Carpet coverage and tweeting about my favorite looks of the evening.

Dior Couture. Armani. Christian Sirano. Ellie Saab.

Each gown artistically and aesthetically inspiring.

I rejoiced hearing some of my favorite shows like Orange Is The New Black and Downton Abbey took home wins.

I teared up with Uzo Aduba as she gave her acceptance speech.

I felt a sense of pride when Viola Davis walked the red carpet with her natural hair glowing in the clairvoyance of her crescent moon.

I felt an array of hope seeing Laverne Cox elegantly maneuver through her promise.

(A hope I haven't felt in a long time...)

But I couldn't help but feel an immense pain. Pain that guards the area where my dreams are stored. Packed away. Hidden. Safe.

I've become a dream hoarder.

Acting is my gift. So I'm told. 
I know it is. I know it is.

Somewhere along the way I hid it. Hid from it.

I knew as early as Elementary school that my journey towards realizing my dreams would be harder than most.

My acting teacher in high school told me, "You're gift is rare...you are going to change the face of Broadway and Hollywood both. I see it."

I took her words with me as I stood in line after line at audition after audition in every major city. To no avail.

I remember after I finished my audition at Julliard, I was in the hallway and I heard: "damn she's really good. She's just too fat. What can we do with her?" Those words stuck with me too.
I've hated NYC ever since by the way.

But I still want it. I do.

I still yearn for it. I do.

I still dream...

I...still...

It's time to unpack...

It's time to purge...

It's time to move...

It's time to progress...

It's time to realize...

It's...time...