Heaux Tales: Liberation Through Music

Happy New Year!

I am just returning home to DC post Christmas, New Years, and Insurrection Wednesday. Ain’t nothing like a hot cup of white privilege to get the New Year started right?

I came home to unopened presents under the tree and the new highly anticipated Jazmine Sullivan album, Heaux Tales. I downloaded it immediately! Listen, I’ve been waiting for another album from Jazzy (she’s my BFF who I call Jazzy in my head) since her 2015 release, Reality Show. Baby, it was 6 years worth the wait! I was already on the edge of my seat when her singles, Lost One and Pick Up Your Feelings dropped. So, having the whole album readily available and on repeat makes me so happy!

What I appreciate most about Jazzy aside from her raspy soulful sound is her ability to write songs that tell stories. Stories of women, Black women specifically that connect us even through difference. If you haven’t listened to the album it is a musical retelling of story truths women shared about sex, love, relationships, needs and wants. Women who usually are forthcoming about these things, especially sex, are labeled “hoes” in society thus pinning the album title, Heaux Tales.

This album comes at a very interesting time for me. During quarantine I’ve been reflecting a lot about who I am as a woman in the world and for the first time including sex and sexuality in this reflection. This began when I attended a live discussion titled, The Pleasure Palace: Black Women Celebrating our Body-Temples. My sistren, Hazel Cherry, was one of the panelists so I slid on Zoom that day in support of her not expecting to be challenged to reassess how I view myself and body. Let me pause here to say, Hazel is a graduate of the Howard School of Divinity and I have to shout out the women of Howard who are shining in this season! It’s crazy because Hazel and the majority of the panelists all grew up in church, as did I. Church conditions us into believing that sexual thoughts and sex before marriage is wrong and you could be damned to hell if you did it. This notion silences women into fear of some sort of salacious eternal damnation and or ridicule from their congregations. Hazel, lended her voice and research to counter this narrative engrained in so many of us. “Pleasure is a fruit of the Spirit” she professed. From that first live discussion I began journaling and researching lessons learned from this book of life governing fables that we call The Bible. I also attended quite a few more discussions centered around the same theme. I even shared some of the findings and takeaways from the discussions with my Mom, who in her own right is a theologian, and she eagerly gave me her perspective.

I had to step away from how I was raised, and really decide who I am and want to be in this world. My list is coveted with attributes like honest, responsible, and creative which are important to me. But I also feel the importance of acknowledging within my attributes that I am: 

• a woman who is a sexual being
• a woman who is worthy of pleasure 
• a woman who is desirable
• a woman developing an understanding of who she is beyond Christian rhetoric

These things can also coexist with my insurmountable love of and relationship with God. I can also rest assured that God won’t ever stop loving me because of it.

Heaux Tales further aligns this for me in that it liberates these women’s stories. They didn’t need to create a “safe space” to share because who they are shouldn’t be silent, afraid, or hidden. If “judge your mother” was an album this would be it. Of course I wouldn’t be who I was if I didn’t read reviews of the album. While I was reading a review and simultaneously listening to Candice Benbow’s live, a woman asked Candice in the comments what she should do because she doesn’t have a Heaux Tale but wants one. I screamed! The vulnerability it took even ask that question! Liberation brings forth vulnerability and courage to talk freely not only about our experiences but our internal desires. You know the ones we keep on the hush hush.

At 37 years still growing, I don’t have a Heaux Tale either. I spent the majority of my life in fear of most things pertaining to sex and sexuality. I had thoughts of course, but I was one of these girls whose church upbringing coupled with childhood trauma and my growing anxiety that I find myself today having never had intercourse or being able to curate a Heaux Tale. I’ve listened with popcorn, and laughed with my friends as they shared their Heaux Tales. Hell, this blog was birthed through watching my friends live their heaux-full lives while I held their purses! Now, I’m not saying I’m going to run out here and bussit wide open for Pimp. However, after hearing this album, which in my opinion mirrors what the panelists in these live discussions have said, it has initiated an unlearning and redefining within. It's definitely time to let go of my own self imprisonment. Choosing pleasure it is not a death sentence. And being judged and ridiculed for choosing to be open about this choice is the burden of the ridiculer. This album is for all women, Heaux Tale or not, to be empowered to liberate their truth from silence and share their truths with each other. We could learn so much from each other if we collectively committed to being open, honest, and non judgmental. 

My favorite songs on the album? So glad you asked!  Listen, I can listen straight through. Candles lit, a good cocktail, some cannabis, and coast. No skipping. But just for you, I’d say my 2 favorite songs are:

Lost One and On It featuring my other BFF, Ari Lennox. I was drawn to Lost One upon its initial single release. All I could think about was the rawness of this woman's pleading with the person she’s broken up with. “Don’t have too much fun without me," Jazzy croons. “Try not to love no one,” the song cries. Still being in love after a break up is real. So real, right? On the album we hear the story behind the song in the interlude Rashida’s Tale. Rashida talks about being engaged to a woman, cheating on her, and the immense pain she felt because of the pain she inflicted on someone she loved so much. This story sharing opens up a whole new way to digest that song.

On it to me is raw and raunchy. I love it. It’s necessary because in R&B we mostly hear men singing about what they want to do to women’s bodies. But dammit you gonna hear from Jazzy and Ari what they wanna do to this man’s body, ok? If Pretty Ricky can whine, "let me lick you up and down till you say stop" then Jazzy and Ari can for sure proclaim that they want to, "spit on it." And the riffs in this song? The riffs alone deserve a Nobel Peace Prize! I'm just saying.

My priority these days is to actively seek joy, continue to live life wholly and representative of what I want my legacy to be. Acknowledging that sexuality is apart of living wholly has truly opened my eyes. Thank you Hazel and Candice for leading discussions on women, sex, and theology. Thank you Jazzy for this album in a season of solace and rediscovery. I can’t wait till outside opens back up and I can see participate in these conversations in person and see Jazzy live in concert!