On Therapy: What In the PsychotHELL?

For the first couple of months my therapist spent the time getting to know me. I told her about my family and friends, my job, my business, my life goals. I even learned about her some and felt like she was becoming apart of my friend circle. It also feels really good to sit across from someone who looks like me and can identify with some of my struggles. I didn't know that was so important to me until I began seeing her. We've done meditation together and I even had some great affirmation takeaways from our sessions that I've been using to get me through tough days.

At the end of I'd say, month 4, she told me that the following week she would like to begin psychotherapy and go "deeper." I agreed, but in my mind I was thinking, "sis, I done told you very personal things that I don't just be divulging all willy nilly to just anybody now" but I knew if I was going to make the most of my healing journey through therapy then I would have to do the necessary. In all actuality she was right. Things I chose to tell her were all very surface level. It was time to get down to the nitty gritty.

What did I sign myself up for?

The following week I came in and she had work sheets, the lights were dimmer than usual, and I may be trippin' but I swore I heard Tibetan Monk chants blowing through the humidifier. I was a scared. Don't ask me why but chile I wanted to back right on up out of there like Homer backed in the bushes.

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But I didn't.

I sat down.

We began.

After we were done I felt like...

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Completely drained.

Drained simply by unlocking that introverted volt of privacy and telling my truth. She ended the session reminding me that this would be hard, we will continue to go deeper, and she couldn't wait till next week.

As I drove home I thought...

DEEEEEPER?

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"What the hell is she so happy about? Hard is an understatement. Can't wait till next week? Smiling and shit, what is wrong with this lady?"

The closest I've ever come to stating my inner thoughts is through writing. Its a safety net. It's where I find the calm you know? I'd rather write it out than talk it out any day and even then I control the narrative. Therapy forces you into discomfort by resonating your voice orally, which is an introvert's biggest nightmare. Un-silencing yourself.

I'm uncomfortable.
I'm unlocked.
I'm un-silenced.
I'm healing.