Bday Reflections: Welcoming Rêves en Couleur

Closing out my 38th chapter around the sun and stepping into chapter 39 was kind of out of body-ish. These chapters begin and end so fast. The last couple months of 38 I was struggling mentally. I'd been toiling with lingering self-doubt, teacher burnout, worrying about what’s next, and disappointed by things I hoped would’ve happened but hadn’t yet. When talking about anxiety/depression one of my favorite comedic personalities said, “it’s unfair” and I couldn't agree more. Things are most definitely moving and shifting in my life and I am beyond grateful yet, there are times this looming mental state decides to put a damper on my joy and it’s not as easy to get rid of as the suggestions to “be grateful” or “pray it away” imply. I’ve been working with my therapist to name it and not mask it by pretending to be ok, or sweeping it under the rug and placing “busyness” on top as means to ignore it. 

I called chapter 38 my Midas Year. I claimed at the beginning of chapter 38 that everything I touched in this year would turn to gold. That I would see the richness of my work and begin to benefit from it. 

It did happen. 

It really did happen. 

Here's a brief recap:

• I traveled with friends and family. Even went to Hawaii twice.
• I got accepted and successfully completed the Theater Producers of Color program. 
• I am currently a co-producer of the Off-Broadway summer revival of Kinky Boots. 
• I produced, directed, and edited a virtual reading of a pilot episode of a web series I wrote, FAT, Black Millennial. 
• I was asked to teach with Juilliard this summer.
• I up the anti a bit on my freelance graphic design work and secured a few paid gigs. 
• I performed at the Kennedy Center with the cast of Mortified DC/Baltimore to a sold out crowd. 
• I was interviewed on a couple of new media talk shows.
• I directed and edited a virtual production of Rainbow Children, Angel Babies, & Fruitless Fig Trees for the Rogue Theater Festival. 
• Currently, I’m in the interview process for a few other opportunities. 

It has indeed been a full chapter of Midas proportions! In spite of, I persisted and I did well.

Chapter 39, I am claiming more. I’m calling this year my rêves en couleur (dreams in color) year. I have so many dreams that I often see in black and white or sepia if my mind is feeling frisky. The full color seems to come with goosebumps and tears when the dream is realized. The goal I'm setting for myself this year, is to see my dreams in full color more often. Most importantly believe that I can have the desires of my heart. My dreams aren't "too big." I can achieve every dream and all my hard work and prayers are not in vain. 

When I turned 30 I asked a few of my friends at the time to come with me to New Orleans. 39 being the last year of my 30s I decided to go back to NOLA. Now most of you know I don't need a reason to hop a flight to NOLA but this time I really focused on me. The 30 year old woman who twerked on a couple randoms on Bourbon Street is a whole different woman. Now don't get it twisted you may get a chair twerk or two out of me if the cocktails are right and the clouds are high, but I have grown into a woman of deep retrospect, gratefulness, compassion and love. 

I have changed. 

I'm so glad I have changed. 

I am in love with the woman I have become and welcome the continued growth, blessings, and peace that will adorn my life in my newest chapter.

Nipsey was right, the marathon will continue and so will my work to realize my dreams.

Rêves en couleur.