Fat Fortitude Diaries: What's Failure Anyway?

I've had a very interesting struggle with my weight. I've been a chunky chocolate pretty much since birth and have transitioned in to what is labeled as a morbidly obese adult.

Its crazy how these labels and the way people project their opinions of your weight on you can impact your psyche. 

I've tried all the well known and not so well known diets. I even resulted to having Lap Band surgery 10 years ago.

I found out later that my band was malfunctioning.

Wraps, pills, nutritionists, Atkins, B12 shots, Weight Watchers and the list goes on I've tried them all and failed.

Miserably. 

What's failure anyway?

A lesson.

For the past couple months I am back to altering my eating habits. Making healthier choices.

Becoming one with nosey ass MyFitnessPal. 

In June I stepped out on a sturdy limb and got a new trainer.

Mind you during the course of my fat chronicles I had a trainer. A nice tiny white woman...her name escapes me. Probably Kimmy or something like that. I couldn't really expect her to understand me or my needs or the anxiety I felt walking into a gym and a predominantly white gym on Capital Hill at that. That's probably a blog post all by itself. So I kind of slid on out of there and back to the habits that made me comfortably secluded but not progressing.

Today I have a Black male trainer whom I hate to love.

This man irritates me to the fullest capacity of irritation but I need the challenge.

For the next couple of weeks I am going to write about some of my experiences as a fat Black woman. It is my hope that by releasing some of the internal weight I will have a better chance this time around managing the external weight.

What's the use of maintaining a 1200-1500 calorie diet when Im congested and weighed down by matters internally?

This is my Fat Fortitude.

Internal weight loss.