Got up early, went to the farmer's market, bought peaches, apples, and raisin walnut bread. Sat on a bench with my Mommy in an artist's cove of sorts, drank fresh squeezed lemonade, and people watched. Later we went Uptown and had brunch accompanied with an iced mocha. I felt like a really earthy, artsy, white woman. I almost made it all the way home without a glitch and then World War 2014 happened. I began hacking and my lungs began to fight, my throat continued its battle with Tourettes, and my nose felt like a really hot summer day in a Black neighborhood, with an open hydrant and all the kids are bare chest and feet drenching in my snot.
For months (more like years) now I have been struggling with the worst "sinus infection" known to mankind. I'm not sure at this point if that's even what it is. I've been to several doctors several times. The diagnosis has ranged from an inner ear infection to walking pneumonia. Most recently, I was told I have acute bronchitis. The symptoms, very irritating to say the least, are violent coughing, isolated migraines, retching, post nasal drip (more like down pour), post nasal drip reflux, sore throat, wheezing, restricted breathing, chest pain, dizziness, and my all time favorite clogged ears. Neti Pots, Z-packs, Claritan D, Albuterol, Fluticasone, and a whole heap of other prescribed pharmaceuticals have invaded my body to no avail.
But there is a silver lining (always).
With my ears being clogged most of the time I find it hard to hear externally. It feels like a barricade blocking the external from the internal. As a result I have been upper respiratory bullied into listening to what's going on internally. Internally I can hear all sorts of things like my heartbeat, calm and steady while I'm relaxing and quick and rhythmic when I run up the stairs. When I take a sip of water I can hear a rippling sound as it travels down the esophagus. But if I drink something with more acidity in it then it sounds like Rice Krispies dancing down my esophagus. I can hear haunted house noises in my stomach when I'm hungry and every creek and crack of my moving joints and bones is amplified. Headaches, though they feel intense, often have an alto lightsaber sound and every deep breath and exhalation fills the inner ear with a zephyr euphony.
If it wasn't for my ears being clogged I may not have ever had these orchestra seats to my anatomy's philharmonic.
That's life and lesson. Siamese twins.
For every block, pause, delay, obstruction, and hinderance there is always something you are meant to receive from it. GOD is a GOD of calculation. He has pre-planned and forethought every millisecond of our being. When things get heavy, when things get hard, when things get out of control…
Block out the external. Find retreat in the internal. He is waiting there.
