I CAN'T

I can’t stop talking about being a Black girl

A woman of color

I only see the beauty in my sun kissed

Liberally blessed

Melanin rich skin

I can’t stop talking about being a Black Christian girl

Who feels deeply about maintaining my relationship with GOD

I crave daily spiritual cleansing

A feeding

A WORD

Age coupled with experiences

My interest in man’s idea of religion

Has waned

I cherish my one on one time with GOD

Thus avoiding the castigation of the “saints”

I can’t stop talking about being a Black Christian FAT girl

Morbidly obsessed with following my dreams

I understand I gotta do something about this weight

Both alive and dead

Treadmill runs to the Son

I bathe in excellence first

Yet imprisoned by the numbers on a scale

I’m FAT not deaf

I can hear the ridicule and disgust

Yet you secretly lust to meet & greet

The purity between my big ass thighs

I can’t stop talking about being a Black Christian FAT Artistic girl

Who’s finally found her calling

Her divine purpose

Spent years hiding from it

Until it is what I needed to live
To breathe

To cope

I’m transfixed by the aesthetic of the pictures in my dreams

Positioned into real time

Real space real place

If only for a millisecond

My soul leaves my body

And I can see her

Open

Free

True Love

GOD

This must be what junkies feel like

The anxiety

The itch

The yearning

Constantly chasing that first high

I’m chasing the pictures in my dreams

Positioning them into real time

Real space real place

& waiting

For that millisecond

When my soul escapes my body

& I can see her

I can see GOD

I’m anxiously

Itching

& yearning

To see the art inside my soul

Take the breath of life.

Who else but GOD?

I can't.

I can’t stop.

I can’t stop being.

Me.