Sunday, October 18, 2015

I CAN'T


I can’t stop talking about being a Black girl
A woman of color
I only see the beauty in my sun kissed
Liberally blessed
Melanin rich skin

I can’t stop talking about being a Black Christian girl
Who feels deeply about maintaining my relationship with GOD
I crave daily spiritual cleansing
A feeding
A WORD
Age coupled with experiences
My interest in man’s idea of religion
Has waned
I cherish my one on one time with GOD
Thus avoiding the castigation of the “saints”

I can’t stop talking about being a Black Christian FAT girl
Morbidly obsessed with following my dreams
I understand I gotta do something about this weight
Both alive and dead
Treadmill runs to the Son
I bathe in excellence first
Yet imprisoned by the numbers on a scale
I’m FAT not deaf
I can hear the ridicule and disgust
Yet you secretly lust to meet & greet
The purity between my big ass thighs

I can’t stop talking about being a Black Christian FAT Artistic girl
Who’s finally found her calling
Her divine purpose
Spent years hiding from it
Until it is what I needed to live
To breathe
To cope
I’m transfixed by the aesthetic of the pictures in my dreams
Positioned into real time
Real space real place
If only for a millisecond
My soul leaves my body
And I can see her
Open
Free
True Love
GOD

This must be what junkies feel like
The anxiety
The itch
The yearning
Constantly chasing that first high

I’m chasing the pictures in my dreams
Positioning them into real time
Real space real place
& waiting
For that millisecond
When my soul escapes my body
& I can see her
I can see GOD
I’m anxiously
Itching
& yearning
To see the art inside my soul
Take the breath of life.
Who else but GOD?

I can't.
I can’t stop.
I can’t stop being.

Me.

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