It's time to say goodbye to 2015. It's amazing how much your life can change in a matter of 12 months. So my dearest blog here is my 2015 life change story. Keep it in your care...I have no use for it.
Those who know me well equate Cynthia with church. When my friends wanted to hang out I always had something to do at my church. "Girl, you always at that church," I'd hear on Friday nights. But the reality is I enjoyed being at church.
The Bible clearly states: "forsake not the fellowship of the Saints..." There is something precious and earnest about working together with them that love GOD.
My parents got married at church. My Mommy carried me in her womb at that very same church. My parents raised me in that church. I along with those I grew up with were labeled "church babies." I grew up in that church. Had my first stupid crush at church. I considered my church family my real family. A true kinship. My passion for the arts stemmed from the birth of the orator inside me right in that church. My dedication to serving the homeless and working with children was cultivated at that church. I often get praised about being a great leader and developing quality programming for both adults and children which I can only attribute to the practice I got being a leader and creating quality programming at church. I can close my eyes and still see clearly the hundreds of people lined up to say their goodbyes to my Daddy at his funeral held at that church. My God Mother whom my parents met at church was the only best friend I had growing up. I learned the importance of standing up for what I believe in at church. I was afforded the blessing of becoming a God Mother to a girl child because of the out pouring of benevolence manifested at church. Church was a major part of my course as a young woman.
In 2015 my church reality changed. The kinship I thought I developed with some people at my church revealed itself to be a farce. And it broke me mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. So whilst GOD was still moving me to greater things and opportunities in 2015 I was holding on with broken pieces and I couldn't really enjoy it. I spent the majority of 2015 second guessing myself. I developed anxiety attacks which if you have never experienced is the most scariest situation to be in. But the most hurtful part of it all is watching how it has also hurt my Mommy, although she never skips a beat and remains a super hero.
But in life the unpleasant moments are often coupled with mind blowing experiences that outweigh those unpleasantries. You ever see a kid walking down the street with their parents and they are attached to their parents via a leash of sorts? When I was growing up it was literally a long elastic band, with velcro cuffs at each end, my Mommy would secure one cuff on my wrist and the other on hers and she would drag me downtown to the "Taste of DC." I was a chubby chocolate thing and hated walking, so I would moan and groan but she didn't care. She just kept walking 100 miles per hour just dragging my poor thick thighed self down Constitution Avenue. Nowadays the baby leashes have gotten much fancier. Kids now have little stuffed animal harnesses on, with a long elastic band attached to their parent's wrist. The drag however is still the same. The poor babies are still whining down the street. That pretty much sums up my year. I wanted to give up. I didn't feel like moving. But GOD dragged me from one opportunity to the next. Broken pieces and all. With Him I managed to:
- Push my company's mission further.
- Direct two successful professional shows.
- Produced two podcasts of which one has developed a strong following.
- Spent 10 months writing for one of the top lifestyle sites for African American Women.
- I met some amazing people that supported my business.
- I received an outpouring of love and support from people whom I adore.
- I was able to support my fellow Black female entrepreneurs work by showcasing them in my writing.
- I nurtured and motivated young artists.
- I was able to sit down and meet with one of the top Black female directors in Washington, DC.
And the list goes on.
And now because of all of the hard work done in 2015, pretty much every weekend in January 2016 is already booked and I can't even take an ounce of credit. It was all GOD! So I praise him for the drag and not leaving me when I needed Him most.
"Heartbreak opens onto the sunrise for even breaking is opening and I am broken, I am open. Broken into the new life without pushing in, open to the possibilities within, pushing out. See the love shine in through my cracks? See the light shine out through me? I am broken, I am open, I am broken open. See the love light shining through me, shining through my cracks, through the gaps. My spirit takes journey, my spirit takes flight, could not have risen otherwise and I am not running, I am choosing. Running is not a choice from the breaking. Breaking is freeing, broken is freedom. I am not broken, I am free." -Pariah (2011)
