Self Accountability: I Am My Responsibility. No one else.

Art by Wild Iris

Heeeeey Blog!

I know, I know, I’ve been such a neglectful partner. But I miss you. So much. I think about you often, especially when I have unsolicited opinions about life’s happenings. I sincerely apologize for the neglect. Writing and time are lovers, and I need to carve out space in my life for their magic to happen organically. I’m working on it. I promise.

Which brings me to what I actually came on here to talk about: self-accountability.

Lately, I’ve been in awe of human behavior, from our current administration to everyday interactions in my own life. It’s so easy to judge. In fact, it can become second nature if you're not careful. You know what I mean, when you make assumptions based on a glance, a rumor, or a past encounter. I’ve done it, and I know it’s been done to me. So I’m actively working not to do that to others.

Now let’s be real: some people are truly intolerable. But part of self-accountability is recognizing that you don’t have to tolerate the intolerable just to seem likable, especially if doing so means sacrificing who you are. I admittedly walk a thin line with this. I’ve prioritized being amicable to people whose behavior is not. And that opens the door to stress, frustration, and resentment. And we not doing that anymore. Life is already hard enough.

Disassociating or removing yourself isn’t wrong. Letting go of friendships, groups, and even family members where you don’t feel like your best self isn’t wrong. Prioritizing your mental and physical wellness is a must. A non-negotiable. However, there’s a trend now where people love to say, “I’m protecting my peace" but they exude the very dysfunction they’re running from. Protecting your peace means you have to actually be peaceful. That takes work. Time. Self-accountability. If there’s a storm inside, it’s only a matter of time before it shows up outside. Holding yourself accountable means being real enough to admit that everything ain’t everybody else’s fault.

When you’re faced with people who are intolerable, ask yourself: what’s the lesson here for me? Do I lack patience? Did I align myself with people or places that don’t reflect who I want to be in the world? Or is God showing me a mirror of myself and begging me to do better? Sometimes the traits we can’t stand in others are the ones we refuse to face in ourselves.

I’ve been on a long journey with self-accountability. I wrestle with knowing the difference between holding myself accountable and just being way too hard on myself. The best remedy has been staying in tune with my innermost thoughts. Sitting in silence. Letting reflection do its work. I’ve always chased the best version of myself, like I’m on this lifelong quest to be a light. But I don’t always feel like a light. Most of the time, I feel dim. The light is lit, but low. And honestly? I’m okay with that. The dimness is where I find my peace. I think I’ve always been this way, but society doesn’t always welcome dimness. It wants you at full beam all the time in order to be acknowledged, respected, invited, recommended. And yeah, I know I’ve missed out on opportunities by choosing to stay dim. But I hold myself accountable by pushing myself to beam when I have to, if only just long enough for people to know I’m not an idiot, that I’m approachable, and that I bring value to the room. It’s draining. In a perfect world, my work and work ethic would speak for themselves. But right now, it’s not enough.

And listen, on God using the intolerable to wake you up? Been there, done that several times. I remember freshman year of high school. The seniors were mean, cliquey, and just flat-out rude. I promised myself then when I became a senior, I would never treat underclassmen that way. And I kept that promise. God was waking me up even at 14. After college, I came home and got super involved with my childhood church. I slowly realized I was turning into one of those “mean church ladies," the same ones I used to side-eye growing up and when God held the mirror up, I didn’t like what I saw. or how I was treated by people I considered family. In this chapter God really had to hurt my feelings to get me back on track with who he was molding me to be. So I left. All of it. The people. The toxic behavior. The church politics. I went into isolation, listened to God, reflected on my part in it all, and slowly realigned with who I wanted to be. And it didn't stop there. God has been guiding me on the self accountability tour in various chapters of my life and I've had to look in the mirror and say, "Now Cyn, boo, that's not who you are or who you want to be. It's time to get out of your own way." As a result I found adjusting my behavior meant I had to change my surroundings, filter information that I choose to consume, audit my friend and family relationships, and follow through on the promises I have made to myself. Self-accountability is hard. It’s heartbreaking. Lonely. But it will shape you into the best version of yourself. And this world needs more humans who are whole on the inside, so their behavior doesn’t traumatize the rest of humanity.

I am my responsibility. No one else.

You are your responsibility. No one else.

Practice self-accountability.