She woke up early, placed some eucalyptus, honey, and other offerings on her deity. She lit the agarbatti and rang a bell to awaken Surya. She sprinkled a drop of Ganja jal on her head and began her puja. She thanked Surya, the god of the sun, for the warm covering over her life, clarity in mind, and peace.
The night before, she spent the evening detangling her hair. That in itself was always a feat. Her grandmother blamed her Kenyan father for the thickness of hair and the darkness of her skin. Her Mom’s family is from Hiware Bazar, India. Colorism and classism infiltrated her affluent family. So when her Mom got pregnant by a Kenyan photographer, her family forbade their union. Ravi's Mom chose her family over love. This left young Ravi having to split her time between two countries. India and Kenya. Two differing societies, two differing religious practices, two differing ways of life. She spent most of her life confused. One thing that made sense however, was the way her Mom and Dad looked at each other when they met up to pass her off throughout the years. They loved each other still. You could tell. Ravi decided at a very young age that love had to be the way her Mom and Dad looked at each other.
She finished her puja and went into her bathroom which was her personal deity. The place she loved most in her home. She lit her Nag Champa candles and ran her bath water.
When Ravi was 17 her Dad got married and moved to the states. This excited her. Not that he married someone other than her Mom but now she'd be able to split her time between India and California. Her favorite American TV show was Girlfriends. She dreamed of moving to California and getting a fancy job with a big desk like Joan had in Girlfriends. She left India at 18 after receiving a full scholarship to Pepperdine University. She always believed the gods answered her prayers of living her life out in Cali. The gods surely would stick with her and see her through.
Freshman year she made lots of friends. Hung out with the rich white kids who loved to teach immigrants how to navigate the mean streets of Malibu. She met Jenna 2nd semester of Freshman year when she decided to live on campus, and not at her Dad's, to get the full collegiate experience. When she walked into her new dorm room, Jenna looked her up and down, “you’re beautiful” she said with a sense of relief. Jenna ran over and gave Ravi hug.
"How do you say your name?"
“Ravi...”
“I’m gonna call you Ra-Ra for short. My Ra-Ra."
Ravi felt herself shrinking allowing Jenna’s personality to shine. Jenna inserted herself in Ravi’s life instantly. Physically and mentally.
“I got some coke!” Jenna proclaimed running through the door one night. "This should help me study. Try it with me!"
“No. I’m not doing drugs! Are you kidding Jenna?”
“Fine. I want to try it. At least you’ll be here if something goes down.”
Ravi watched Jenna sniff her first line on the dorm room floor. Jenna laid back, stared at the ceiling and coasted. She talked about how beautiful Ravi’s hair and skin was until she fell asleep. Ravi watched Jenna all night praying she’d wake up. The last thing she needed was to have an overdosed roommate on her conscience.
The next morning Jenna popped up like nothing happened.
“Want to go to the cafe?”
“Are you ok?”
“I’m fine. Let’s not make this a thing ok? Don’t overthink it.”
But it was a thing. Jenna began doing coke almost every night to "study." Every night she’d talk to Ravi about Ravi.
“I wish you knew how gorgeous you are my Ra Ra. You can have any guy you want.”
Jenna stared at Ravi intently. This reminded Ravi of how her Dad would stare at her Mom. Truth is, Ravi liked the attention she got from coked up Jenna.
How Jenna would look at her.
Talk about her.
Run her fingers in circles around the small of her back.
Played with her hair.
Jenna began sniffing lines off parts of Ravi’s body for fun. It started with her hand. Every night she'd explore a different part of Ravi's temple.
Back.
Neck.
Butt.
Stomach.
Breasts.
Thighs.
“You sure you want to do this? Ravi asked.
“Since the moment I saw you. I want all of you. Let me in Ra-Ra.”
Ravi spread her legs revealing her lotus flower. Jenna sprinkled it with coke and sniffed. Then she started licking it continuously. Sucking vigorously. Swallowing the nectar of her soul. Taking Ravi to a place she’d never been before. She had never surrendered herself to anyone in this way. Jenna was the first. This wasn't a deflowering like her grandma used to warn her about. She felt more in bloom than ever before.
This happened a lot over the next 2 years. They spent summers together at Jenna’s Mom's beach house and continued to room together during the school year. Ravi knew her family wouldn’t approve. So she went silent on them. She stopped praying and the gods went silent on her. She didn’t want to make the same mistake her Mom made. She chose love over family. She chose love over Hinduism.
Junior year she kissed Jenna goodbye as they went off to class. They were planning to take a drive along the coast to watch the sunset later. That afternoon Ravi went back to their apartment, showered, picked out a dress she knew Jenna would love and waited for her.
5:29 PM still no Jenna.
The sun was starting its descend.
Ravi began worrying. She called Jenna's phone and it went straight to voicemail. She called her Mom and she hadn’t seen her. She went to the parking lot and her car was still there. She called mutual friends, no luck. Ravi walked around campus all night looking for her. She was nowhere to be found. Weeks had gone by and no one had heard from her or seen her. After 2 months, Jenna’s Mom sent movers to come gather her things out of the apartment.
“You can have her car. I know she’d want you to have it,” her Mom told her on the phone.
Ravi sunk into depression. She moved back home with her Dad and Stepmom. She started a Facebook account to see if she could find Jenna. She scoured through thousands of profiles of women named Jenna with no success. Ravi began cutting herself on her thigh, hoping to ease the immeasurable pain and loss she felt. Her last year at Pepperdine is a blurred dismal memory. When she graduated her Mom convinced her to spend the summer in India. With her feet planted back on home soil she found enough grounding and regained strength to heal. Almost instantly she joined her grandmother in puja. Everyday she surrendered to the sun. And everyday the sun adorned her cheeks with warm kisses.
10 years passed. Ravi had her dreams of a job she loved, with an office overlooking the skyline and a big desk facing the sun. Thoughts of love and Jenna surfaced sometimes but didn't linger. She was healed and committed to living a full life.
Ravi added eucalyptus oil milk to her bath water and got in. The eve of her 30th birthday was filled with puja, reflection, and self care. Her favorite things. She was grateful. She finished her bath and sat on her bed in the fullness of her peace. She looked out her window and watched the sunset. She grabbed her phone to take a picture and saw she had a Facebook messenger notification.
She opened it.
The message read:
My Ra-Ra,
Happy 30th Birthday to the most gorgeous woman I've ever known.
Yours Always,
Jenna
Well-written....this could could be a HBO movie/miniseries.
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