Bday Reflections II: Advocating for Myself

MUA: Danni Sellers

"Why do we do that? "We don't speak up when we don't like it. We just say Mmmhmm, uh huh, in a high pitched tone. I know the tone."  - Danni

I recently had a photo shoot with my friend, Ayanah George, I've linked her work for your viewing and booking pleasure. She's the absolute best. The shoot was under the creative direction of beauty and lifestyle guru, Ajahmure Clovis of Ajahmure Beauty. I've also linked her business for your perusing and purchasing pleasure. Her products need to be added to your beauty regimens. Ajahmure who I affectionately call Jam scheduled makeup for the shoot with her friend Danni of Face Value Artistry. Danni is a whole vibe, a phenomenal makeup artist, and a forward thinking stylist. Now, listen ya'll I just dropped 3 links to 3 amazing Black women entrepreneurs. 3 sacred gems. 

Don't say I ain't never give you nothing! 😂

I was excited about this shoot because its almost my birthday and getting all dolled up to take professional pictures is a perfect gift. Also, the world hates FAT dark skinned women and committing to a shoot that reveals who I aesthetically am to the world is a form of activism. I definitely feel like I'm advocating for my place and the place of women who look like me when I commit to doing any project that will be shared with the general public. 

Confession: At almost 38 years old, advocating for myself is a whole struggle. I'm talking anxiety triggering.

When Danni gave me the mirror and I looked at the work she had done the knots in my stomach subsided. I am always nervous sitting in anybody's chair that does my makeup or hair because I don't know if I'm going to end up looking like a catastrophe or not. Danni sensed that I think. We started discussing why we don't say anything when we don't like our hair, nails, makeup etc. It was nice to hear I wasn't the only one who struggles with this. I think thats why I surround myself with women like Jam who will say what needs to be said no matter who or what the situation is.

For me, its not just beauty clinicians work I don't speak up about. At my closie Ashley's baby shower I was supposed to talk to a vendor about being late and negotiating the hired hours and/or payment. I froze. Heart was rat-ta-tat-tatting. I had to send my closie, Tiff, over to talk the man, chile. 

Sending a meal back at a restaurant...struggle.

Advocating for myself at work...struggle.

Following up on a job application...struggle.

Discussing issues with my family...struggle.

But let me have to advocate for someone else, or go to bat for someone else I am all in! Why?

It's actually gotten worse over the years and spending a year in quarantine I think has heightened it.

During this new year of life I am committing myself to advocating for myself. I know this is going to be a challenge but I believe this will change the trajectory of my life moving forward. When people say they get taken advantage of because they don't speak up or set boundaries for themselves, I'm a living witness that they aren't lying. 

Is this a struggle for you to?

Let's work on this together.