"What a caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly" Part II--The Release

"What a caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly" Part II it is time to release and let go. The countdown has begun and I only have two days before my birthday. I don't want to enter into 27 carrying with me painful memories or harboring any ill will towards people or situations.

When you are walking around with a hard heart it can consume your being and you aren't fully able to surrender your heart to God. This post is therapeutic and personal for me...I have to let things go. I must let things go. I am throwing the anger, pain, and embarrassing moments out into the universe with the hopes she will send her positive energy, love, and comfort back to me...

Here we go:

• When I was little I came across a letter my grandmother wrote to my mother stating that she didn't want any fat grandchildren. From that day on I resented her. Never really wanted to build a relationship with her. Until this day I would rather stay at home if my Mom is visiting her. She is old now and time is of essence. I am letting go so that I can love her during the time we both have left on this earth.

• I sincerely have hate in my heart towards a man in my church. He has said some very disrespectful things about my parents. He once said to me: "that's why your father's dead". Many say hate is a strong word. When you actually feel it in your heart it feels like you are on fire. I have come to the conclusion that hate is the closest emotion to the devil. I don't ever want to have anything in common with the devil, so I am letting this go.

• I was angry at my father for dying. I felt like he gave up on himself and us. When the doctor's were telling him what they could do he refused to do what he was told. He even checked himself out of the hospital. How could he do that? Why wouldn't he fight for his children, who now have to spend the rest of their days father-less? I release this anger. I know he was tired and I know he is in a place where he can rest.

• I don't like how two of my aunts speak to my mother. It bothers my soul. Telling her to do this and pay that. How dare you speak to her like that? I also don't like how my aunt speaks to me. It causes me to be disrespectful and have an attitude in her presence. I say goodbye to being on defense mode with my family. I say goodbye to the feeling of not even wanting to claim them as my family.

• My first love...I think this man scared me for life. He was a pathological liar and caused me to have series trust issues. I let go of you and the damage you caused in my adolescent heart. I remove those walls I put up so people like you couldn't hurt me again. I open my heart again...

• My nay-sayers, haters, and fake friends...Just to appear strong many people say "feel free to hate on me." I can personally attest to situations I have been in where things said and done to me by this particular group of people has affected me mentally and emotionally. As a result I find myself wanting to avoid social situations for fear of humiliation. Confidence can be used as a facade to mask insecurity. I know I am not the only person with this issue, but I am releasing it. No more covering up and hiding. No more wanting revenge. No more allowing the real me to become muted.

There are some experiences that I just couldn't bring myself to type. I release you as well. You no longer have me bound.

I am almost ready to enter into year 27 with a clear head and a plan to attain the vision I have for my life...

Stay Tuned for Part III...